Key.
A protector at night.
No thank you.
I am my own protector at night.
They say don’t be a naïve girl. It’s not Europe.
nowhere is safe.
Especially
For a girl “like you”.
Whenever they say that I feel as though they are threatening me.
Watch out for a rapist.
Any one of you could be a rapist on a bad day.
Older men told me I would grow into my face.
Either objectified or a daughter.
You say nice things about my poem.
I hope you don’t want to sleep with me.
I have to mimic the way you act to be treated as equal
Grandma said I could not see a beautiful night even if I tried
Older men told me I would grow into my face
I did
I can't even walk alone at night
My long hair and my breasts are in a way to trick them.
I am not one of them.
It is dangerous for a girl like you out there.
Women have to be treated as butterflies.
Is that why you made your hands slide into my crotch
I said no. You don’t care.
You say you are in love.
You even write me a poem.
But you don’t listen.
You are mad at me.
You say – you are complicated.
I question if something is really wrong with me.
I consider sleeping with you to make that anger go away.
Even the strong ones are weak.
Poor little Women.
You are afraid of my period more than you are afraid of me.
Yes. I am bossy and I’m scary.
Are you even a girl, they ask me.
I feel like solder in a combat.
I watch too many WW1 documentaries.
In the gas station it’s the exact time before sunrise,
I wash my legs covered in blood.
Like a ritual.
Be careful not to be seen.
Why?
They will make a witch out of you.
And burn you
In a bonfire or in shame.
You are probably afraid.
Or you are disgusted.
The same way I start not to care.
My long blond hair
Why do you care?
Older men tell me I look like a woman they loved in their youth.
They kiss my hand like it’s 19th century Russia.
I attempt with all I have not to be seen as a girl only
But what’s wrong? You are
A girl
Only
Attempting to be well-tempered.
To be seen as a girl is to be ignored
Utterly
Not to be seen as one
Means to be ignored. Or loved.
Only
Can a young woman even be this lonely
I act extra to be seen as an equal at this dinner table.
This extra makes me tired.
I used to sing as a second alto
Lucky me, that is why they listen to me.
You are arrogant they say. You are rude. You are a tom boy.
So fragile
so feminine.
It’s an insult.
So strong and so tough, so independent, weird.
It’s an insult.
The women who think and speak the way you do
Usually also look alternative.
You look…
You lose.
You’re loose either way.
Girl.
Naïve girl.
Stupid naïve pretty girl.
Rude.
Arrogant.
Bossy.
You women
You have to be treated like butterflies
But I see
You are afraid of me
It would be easier and so safe for you
if I still would not be
allowed at the university
Does this butterfly threaten your masculinity?
I am
Am I
Wearing ugly glasses
They
Make
Me
Not
Enough
Pretty.
I shave my legs.
Not
Enough
Feminist.
I am not an angry feminist.
I tried.
I am tired.
Not to sleep with the guys I want.
Because hey,
I want to be perceived as a great philosopher,
Not a great girlfriend of a philosopher.
I am tired.
I tried
To prove something in the name of all the women.
You are so complicated
and crazy.
Night.
Are you afraid?
I don’t have a luxury to be stupid.
I can be brave and afraid at the same time.
Where is the key?
Unlock the door.
Key in my fist is a weapon.
Every wall is a door.
And these walls are a prison.
You
love your own prison.
You never wanted to escape.
This prison serves you.
It suits you.
It will never fit me.
Like white.
I always wear black.
The night is black.
It’s not that scary.
I am.
Not the key,
But you and I could be a weapon.
Break white walls,
Paint the face black
Escape the prison.
But we have no time,
It’s night already.
Alone here I stand
No beauty, grandma
You asked me,
I tried.
What is wrong with me?
Is it love?
Love for love's sake,
But it becomes difficult to love
The ones that are still in the prison.
But what is the point
of being out of prison
alone?