Prix Laurence - Bettembourg Prix Laurence 2020 - Luxembourg
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Prix Laurence 2020

Costa Sara - The angel Aya-Chapter 1





Ah, if only she knew how wonderful her life was going to be. If only she had the slightest idea of how many people would want to see her dead, if only she knew how much pain and destruction her decisions would bring. I wish I could show her all the hate and the tears of joy, all those people she was going to love for the rest of her life. But there’s no time for that, because right now, she was just a regular angel who went by the name Aya.
She wasn’t the most beautiful angel in heaven and neither was she one of the most important angels up there…Aya was like the third tree in a middle school theatre, completely useless. Nothing about her was extraordinary or different. But Aya couldn’t care less about it, because after all, she had everything an angel needed…she had friends she loved, a job and a family. But sometimes she would sit on a cloud and ask herself if it was wrong to want more. That’s when, one of those days, while she was sitting on the same cloud again, that Aya looked down at her feet and noticed the big blue ocean. Her eyes grew wide, she gasped. It wasn’t unusual for her to forget that there was another world right below her feet, waiting for her. “Oh planet Earth, what if I just paid you a visit, just say the word, and you know I’ll come.” Aya said, smiling. She really wished that was possible. She even hoped that one day things would be different. Because, deep down, she knew that she was eager to talk to the humans, just to hear their voices. She kept wondering what money must look like, because another angel told her that apparently, it was all they cared about. She got exited for a brief moment. Was it a sin to feel trapped in a place where you should be free. And so her smile faded slowly. She shook her head trying to make those thoughts go away. Only a few angels could go down to earth and only for specific reasons, and Aya obviously wasn’t one of those angels and neither did she have a reason to go down there, did she? But still…she asked herself if someone would even notice if she left.

Aya was sixteen years old when she finally learned how to use her wings. I know you might think that flying is what an angel should already know by the age of sixteen right? But I don’t blame her, being able to have full control over your wings isn’t that easy at all. And besides…no one seemed to find it important enough to care, so she had to learn all by herself. She first started practicing when she was eight years old. That was the age where she started noticing that all her friends and all the useful angels in heaven around her knew how to fly, except her. That’s why she thought it was obvious; if she knew how to fly she would also be useful and maybe even important someday. So when she was finally able to use her wings correctly, she felt ecstatic and overwhelmed, so the first thing she did was to tell all of her friends the good news. They all cheered and put their hands on her shoulder while she proudly showed them her wings. But that moment only lasted a few minutes for eight years of practicing all by herself, and that didn’t feel worth it anymore. They suddenly changed the subject and started talking about their amazing jobs and how they were so useful to the Father and so on, and those weren’t exactly Aya’s favorite topics. So she flew away that day, looking for some lonely cloud to sit on to contemplate Earth again…and that was the first time that Aya started feeling things that angels shouldn’t actually be able to feel, like fear, anger and frustration. Maybe she was just being silly, but you see, every angel was born for a special job to serve the Father. Some were warriors; soldiers and fighters. Others sang in the Father’s choir, others were teachers for the young angels or healers, messengers, writers or even dancers. Some angels were guardians (you call them parents) and others were architects…but at the end of the day, everyone had found their call. Except for Aya, of course, whose job was to clean the glasses. She was the one who made sure everyone in heaven was drinking from a clean glass. And that was all she did. Don’t get me wrong though…She liked her job sometimes. It was easy compared to other jobs and it was her way to serve the Father…but she knew that she could do so much more. Alas, she was the only one who seemed to be aware of that. When the young angels reach the age of ten, their guardians finally reveal to them what they are meant to do to serve the Father, and when Aya found out that she was meant to clean glasses for the rest of her life she started laughing, thinking her guardians were just messing with her, but well, they weren’t. Aya was disappointed but she had to stay positive, so no one would notice it. No one should find out that an angel wasn’t happy in the happiest place in the universe.
When she started working she finally felt useful, but not important at all. Now she’s eighteen and nothing has changed…except for those forbidden feelings she started to feel two years ago…they have been growing bigger every day.

The first story someone ever told Aya was the story of the angel Lucifer. How he was cast out of heaven because of his evilness, jealousy and betrayal. Aya didn’t think much of it, until one day when her best friend Micah asked her if she was okay. Usually angels didn’t ask such questions because they were always much more than just okay, and they didn’t have any reason not to be. So when Micah asked, Aya was afraid she would be cast out of heaven and turned into a demon. Even if she didn’t have any bad intentions she was just…sad, was that a betrayal? So she answered her question right away trying to act as natural as possible: “Yeah pff I’m super fine sooo happy like you have no idea but thanks for asking and how are you?” Micah looked at her confused “I was talking to the little rabbit over there, it looked exhausted, it must have been running and playing the whole day!” Aya didn’t know if she should be relieved or even more sad. She thought it would have been good to talk about how she felt with someone she trusted, like Micah…but she wouldn’t understand anyway and she didn’t want to put her in a weird position. “Oh okay yeah the rabbit of course, I was just joking.” Aya said, feeling stupid. Later that day, she was sitting on a cloud alone again, when she slowly started realizing that she did something no angel is capable of: she lied, for the very first time since she was born…It was an innocent little lie but when she told Micah that she was just “joking” or that she was “super fine and sooo happy” well, it was a lie. She started thinking that there was something wrong with her, that she was a sinner, an abomination, and there was no one around to ease her mind, no one to tell her that everything was going to be okay. So she flew to the place where she lived and grabbed a few things that she would absolutely need. Aya had a reason to leave now: she didn’t want to hurt other angels or disappoint the Father because of her sins. He forgives humans, but would he forgive one of his own angels? Either way, Aya knew she had to leave, so she could find herself. Because after all these years, she lost track of what life is really about, and at that point she had no idea who she was anymore.

When Aya was ready to leave, she looked at the giant golden gates right in front of her. Those were the gates that let you in and out of heaven, and there was only one thing she knew about those gates: once you cross them you’ll never find your way back unless Father wants you to. Aya hesitated for a second. She looked behind her hoping someone was desperately looking for her, begging her to stay, but as always…she was alone. So she took a deep breath, opened the heavy gates and crossed them knowing exactly where she wanted to go.

 




ageschéckt den: 18:10 Fri, 29 May 2020 vum: Costa Sara

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SALLY ROONEY

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Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2017

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Die Gedichte, Schöffling, 2018

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éditions Bruno Doucey, 2018

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Gedichte aus Palästina
Fischer Taschenbuch, 2013


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-  Warum ich nicht im Netz bin
Gedichte und Prosa aus dem Krieg
Suhrkamp, 2016


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Hrsgb. Jan Ulenbrook
Reclam, 2018

 


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