Prix Laurence - Bettembourg Prix Laurence 2018 - Luxembourg

Prix Laurence 2018

Peter Vanessa - The dark night that called for a soul


It was a cold dark night, the last dance with the ghosts in October. There were red plastic beer cups all over the little apartment, where senior year students were dancing the night away. The dimmed light created its own atmosphere. Other students gossiped and talked about their exams, which would decide their future. Although after this night nothing of that would be of importance anymore. It just needs one night for everything to change and no one really will remember what happened. That night Will Henderson lost everything. His soul now resides in heaven or in hell, nobody knows. No one can explain his death. One moment he was alive, the next he lay there on the ground of the streets in Edinburgh. Young adults turned into curious children running onto balcony looking at the dead body on the street. His girlfriend was screaming and crying, she wanted to jump, follow the boy whom her heart belonged to. Her friends stopped her with vitreous and disbelieving eyes. It started to rain, they ran inside and the soberest one of them called the police. Blue and red colors and the siren of the police cars filled the dark night that had called for a soul.

He died, it’s just another tragic story, but no one knows how it happened, except Lucas Brooks. He and Will were on the balcony, having a talk between boys. Nobody thought about the cause of his death just about the fact that they lost a friend of whom they had thought would live happily ever after. However, it was his destiny to lose his life in that night. The police investigated the case and his death was ruled as a suicide. 

Someone was able to video tape Wills death. He threw something into Lucas red cup and jumped over the balustrade. Will died immediately, he felt nothing at all. When the ambulance arrived, they immediately pronounced him dead as he wasn’t breathing, there was no pulse. 

He fell into an endless sleep. But his girlfriend could not sleep anymore. Evelyn cried until there were no more tears. Every time she closes her eyes she sees him die. She cannot forget his face and the way his body lay on the ground of the street. The jukebox in the Background played a slow song while she was crying and screaming through the night until the sun came up. She was the only one who could not believe the lie that was this suicide. Every night before she cries herself to sleep she thinks of the course of the night when she lost her heart. Over and over she comes to the decision that there is something that she does not know which could change the whole night. Every day, before heading towards her college she goes with little steps to the place where the suicide happened, which was also Wills home. It was a place full of unforgettable beautiful moments that were now being overshadowed by his death. Evelyn needs to find the answers to the mystery her boyfriend has left, and she is trying to fill the hole in her heart. 

Evelyn is looking for some sort of a suicide letter, that could prove that he really wanted to die, and it was not an accident. So far no one has cleaned up the apartment, everything is still the same. The sun is rising while she goes to the balcony and she tells herself that it is the last time she is trying to figure out everything. Suddenly, she remembers a little detail in the video of his “suicide” as the police call it. Will had thrown something in Lucas cup. Her hands start to shake while she searches the cup with the answer to everything she can think of. There lies the spilled cup Lucas dropped when Will jumped. With a harsh move she takes the cup, she breaths three times in and out and looks inside. Her heart is full of hope that is destroyed as she realizes it is empty. But there is a little spark of hope left, maybe Lucas had taken it. She runs out of the apartment to the college. The corridors are full of people, so she decides to ask anyone where Lucas is. 

He has a piece of the puzzle she needs to solve. The bell rings and the students are taking their seats in the different rooms. Then Evelyn remembers that on Thursday morning she has ethics course with Lucas. As fast as she could she sprints to where she can find Lucas. In the ethics course room, she searches for bright green eyes and he is already sitting at his normal spot wearing black clothes, like Evelyn. She goes to him and whispers “I know Will threw something into your beer cup before he jumped. Give it to me.” Lucas answers with a quit voice “I don’t know what you mean. Sit next to me the professor is coming!” Evelyn sits down next to him “You are hiding something. I can see it in your eyes, your poker face is good, but your eyes will always tell the truth. Tell me what he gave you, please Lucas, I need to find out what happened.” 

Suddenly, the professor snarled with a loud voice “Everyone who is not interested in ethics and doesn’t want to follow the course can go now.” “Damn it”, says Lucas “Come with me.” They walk out of the course and tell the professor that Evelyn doesn’t feel very well, and that Lucas will take her home. They go to their favorite park and without saying anything he passes her a piece of paper that has beer stains all over with a barely legible writing scrawled on it.

“Lucas, I am so sorry to have to burden you with this, but I have to. I want you to take care of Evelyn. Please don’t show her this or she will feel responsible for it. But she isn’t, it’s my decision. You must know the truth, but don’t do anything stupid. I am doing this to save lives not because I want to die. He called me, threatening that if I don’t jump, he will shoot everyone in this place. Except Evelyn. He will do anything for his daughter. He is at the apartment on the other side of the street and has a gun. I am so sorry, I hope you can forgive me… Tell Evelyn that I will always love her.”

Slowly the tears are running down her cheeks as she realises what her father did, thinking that he would have protected her but instead of killing her too. 


ageschéckt den: 14:14 Fri, 16 March 2018 vum: Peter Vanessa



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Kënnt am Abrëll 2019 eraus:
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Présentatioun: 23. Abrëll, um 18 Auer, an der Librairie Ernster (Stad).

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Kleng Lecture, déi Iech vläicht weiderbréngt:


-  Wir sagen uns Dunkles
Die Liebesgeschichte zwischen
Ingeborg Bachmann und Paul Celan
DVA, 2017


-  Nemesis
Roman, rororo, 2018


-  A Grace Paley Reader
Stories, essays, poetry

Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2017

-  Manchmal kommen ...
Gedichte, Schöffling & Co, 2018


-  Die schönsten Streichhölzer der Welt
Englisch - Deutsch, mit den Gedichten
aus Jim Jarmuschs Film Paterson
Dieterich'sche Verlagsbuchhandlung, 2017


-  Spitzen
Gedichte. Fanbook. Hall of Fame.
edition suhrkamp, 2018


-  Die Live Butterfly Show
Gedichte, Hanser Berlin, 2018


-  Infiniment proche
Poésie, Gallimard, 2015


-  Femmes poètes de la Beat Generation
éditions Bruno Doucey, 2018


-  Picknick in der Nacht
Gedichte, Hanser, 2016


-  An den Ufern der Dunkelheit
Gedichte aus Palästina
Fischer Taschenbuch, 2013


-  Warum ich nicht im Netz bin
Gedichte und Prosa aus dem Krieg
Suhrkamp, 2016


-  Das Buch der klassischen Haiku
Hrsgb. Jan Ulenbrook
Reclam, 2018


-  Let Them Eat Chaos
Sollen sie doch Chaos fressen
Lyrik, edition suhrkamp, 2018

-  Hold Your Own
Gedichte, Suhrkamp, 2016

-  Worauf du dich verlassen kannst
Roman, Rowohlt, 2016


-  Fjorde
Lyrik, édition g. binsfeld, 2018


-  Fass mich an
Beats, Punchlines, Bitchmoves
édition g. binsfeld, 2017


-  Autopsie
Roman (op lëtz.), Ultimomondo, 2014

-  Abrasch
Poesie, éd. phi, 2013

(1957 - 2018)

-  Fuchs im Aufzug
Erzählungen, capybarabooks, 2017


-  Déi 20 kleng Bicher am "Schuber"
aus der Collectioun smart
Erzielungen, éd. Kremart, 2017

Auteuren 2019


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